Metafluence

Things clients say that make me cringe

I love the work I do. I love it because I enjoy it and most of the people I work with are great. However, there are a few things that a client can say that will make me cringe. If you are a web development service provider, you can probably empathize. If you are a client, please don’t say these things to me.

Anything that includes the word “just”

The word “just” is used to downplay the level of effort required to complete a task. Anytime I hear it, a red flag goes off and waves in front of my eyes like a bull about to be stabbed. Here are a few of the most common applications of the evil word “just”.

Can you just take five minutes and…

Offenders that wield this phrase have some understanding that there is a perception that the task will take longer, which is why they start the sentence off trying to dissuade the group of the obvious. Sometimes people say it out of frustration for how long a task is taking. Sometimes they say it when they want something done and they don’t want to pay for it. In either situation my response is, “Saying ‘just take five minutes’ doesn’t make it a five minute task.”

Well, can’t we just…

Here the word “just” is being used in an attempt to route around some present difficulty. It might be that what the client wants isn’t possible. It might be that it would cost more money than they would like to spend. It might be that they want it done faster. Anyway one arrives at it, if you hear the phrase “Well, can’t we just…” you’re already in trouble. Diffusing the client’s sometimes irrational desire for something despite the current evidence against it can be a challenge.

I just want…

This “just” phrase is usually associated with a client that is trying to say they want something small. They want to express what they want, but they are afraid it will sound like a big project that would cost more than they want to spend. If you can successfully calm down the preemptive worrier, it is possible to have an effective conversation. However, be wary of anyone that starts a business transaction by trying to sell you on how small and easy a project is.

There are many more use cases for the downplaying “just”, so keep your ears peeled and your mind sharp. It is important to take on “just” statements from the beginning to ensure the client doesn’t create a perception that something should cost less or take less time than it may require. For a dose of humorous replies that can combat “just” statements, check out this list of sayings for Murphy’s Law.

Pop

The word pop used in conjunction with a design review is a total pet peeve of mine. People say things like, “Can we give it some more pop?” or “It’s just not popping off the page at me.” The first problem I have with this term is the presumption that “pop” is good. In design, there is a principle commonly referred to as emphasis that is an important tool for a designer. However, not everything needs emphasis. It’s also not been proven effective for something to have so much emphasis that it “pops off the page at you”. In fact, quite the opposite has been proven true. People hate when things rapidly change color, vibrate, or otherwise attempt to grab your attention through means of visual interruption. If you get too much grief, have them watch make the logo bigger.

eBlast

The term “eBlast” is right up there with “cyberspace”. It’s the term someone uses when they don’t know much about the Internet. I begin to question the strategic choices made by any client that says “eBlast” because the correct term is a newsletter. If you have to provide additional context, call it an email newsletter.

Extend the brand

Marketing fluff. Don’t get me wrong, I understand the idea of branding and the fact that it crosses media, but I get worried when I hear someone say something like “extend the brand”. The reason it makes me cringe is because it is a completely ambiguous term when it comes to defining the scope of work. There are actually a ton of business phrases that fall into this category such as “creating synergy” and “leveraging core competencies”. It’s all business doublespeak that the user throws out to sound smart in an area were they are not.

What things make you cringe when said by a client?